the HIV

"Wait until you see what I come home with, bitch!"

"What, HIV from all the guys you fuck!?"

- the Thief and her husband on a phone call at work

69!

He got that gay 69 tattoo covered up. I mean, it was a cool ass tattoo that looked good, but it was fucking gay.
"The Thief talking about her husband's new ink"

cats

"I hate sneaky cats. Ever since that one crawled into my underwear drawer and diarrhead all over the place"
-The Thief talking pets

safety first

Saved by the Bell

"I didn't have sex with him, I just liked the name"
- The one upper talking about how she named her son after Zach Morris

email woes

"Where did you send it, to my inbox?"
-The Thief on the phone asking about an email that was sent to her

Abuse is hilarious?

"Speaking of abuse, you guys want to hear a funny story?"
-The Theif

huh?

"...So, how did he drive both cars out here?"
-the Gypsy asking a (in her mind) legitimate question

silence, and then...

" I'm supposed to go jump in a pool, what did you say??"
-The Gypsy breaking the silence in the room

All in a days work

"oh shit, I forgot it's Bobby's court sentencing today, and then afterwords he gets brain surgery"
- The Thief

"You always have so much energy!"
- A coworker commenting on the Thief's energy level... not realizing she is addicted to adderall and the only thing she has for lunch is Monster Energy drinks

rock-n-roll

"...I'm just the old rock-n-roll guy in the crowd"
The shark, after being asked who turned on the crappy music